5则英语笑话？ 英语笑话 1. Virtue Many years after receiving my graduate degree, I returned to the State University of New York at Binghamton as a faculty member. One day in a crowded elevator, someone remarked on its inefficiency. I said the elevators had not changed in the 20 years since I began there as a student. When the door finally opened, I felt a compassionate pat on my back, and turned to see an elderly nun smiling at me. "You'll get that degree, dear," she whispered. "Perseverance is a virtue." 美 德 获取研究生学位多年以后，我回到位于宾翰顿的纽约州立大学当教员。一天，电梯里很拥挤，有人抱怨电梯效率太低。我说自我在那里当学生起，20年来电梯一直没有换过。 最后当电梯门打开时，我感到有人在我的背上同情地拍了一下，回过头来我看到一位年长的修女正在朝我微笑。“你会拿到学位的，亲爱的，”她低声说道：“坚持不懈是一种美德。” 2. Difference "I can always tell a graduate class from an undergraduate class," observed the instructor in one of my graduate engineering courses at California State University in Los Angeles. "When I say, 'Good afternoon,' the undergraduates respond, 'Good afternoon." But the graduate students just write it down." 区 别 “研究生班和本科生很容易就能区别开来，”在洛杉矶加利福利亚州立大学给我们研究生上工程学课的老师如此说。“我说‘下午好’，本科生们回答说‘下午好’。研究生们则把我说的话记在笔记本上。” 3.Too Long The travel editor of a newspaper called, saying she was finally using an article I had written several years earlier. She wanted to be sure the tour information was still correct. "I also wanted to make certain," she sheepishly confessed, "that you're still alive. Whenever the writer has died, I know I've held a story too long." 太久 一家报纸的旅行版编辑打开电话，说她终于决定要采用一篇我几年前写的文章。她想确定那旅游信息是否还可靠。“我还想确定，”她怯怯地坦白道：“您是否还健在。每次发现作者已经不在人世了，我才知道我将文章压得太久了。” 4.Charge for Bread and Butter Some years ago, my dad, an attorney, took me to a fancy restaurant in Now York City. When the bill arrived, there was a $1.50 charge for bread and butter. Dad paid the bill, including the charge for bread and butter. However, the next day, he sent a letter to the resturant stating that the charge was uncalled for. Enclosed in the same envelope was a bill for $500 in legal services. Someone from the restaurant called immediately and asked, "What is this $500 bill for? We never ordered any legal services." Dad replied, "I never ordered any bread and butter." The $1.50 was returned without delay. 面包和黄油费 几年前，我当律师的爸爸带我去纽约的一家高档餐馆。帐单上来时，上面有1.5美元的面包和黄油费。爸爸付了帐，连同面包和黄油的收费一齐付了。但是第二天，他给餐馆寄了一封信，说那项收费是没有道理的。随信还寄上了一张500美元的法律服务机构的收费单。 餐馆马上打来电话，问道：“这500美元的收费单是怎么回事？我们从来没有要什么法律机构的服务。” 爸爸答道，“我也从来没有要什么面包和黄油。” 那1.5美元立即就寄了回来。 5. Sleeping Pills Bob was having trouble getting to sleep at night. He went to see his doctor, who prescribed some extra-strong sleeping pills. Sunday night Bob took the pills, slept well and was awake before he heard the alarm. He took his time getting to the office, strolled in and said to his boss: "I didn't have a bit of trouble getting up this morning." "That's fine," roared the boss, "but where were you Monday and Tuesday?" 安眠药 鲍勃晚上失眠。他去看医生，医生给他开了一些强力安眠药。 星期天晚上鲍勃吃了药，睡得很好，在闹钟响之前就醒了过来。他到了办公室，遛达进去，对老板说：“我今天早上起床一点麻烦都没有。” “好啊!”老板吼道，“那你星期一和星期二到哪儿去了？” 查看更多0个回答 . 1人已关注
笑话I'm Phil, and today we will learn a new story？ I'm Phil, and today we will learn a new story Do you have a dog? asked the clerk. Yes, I do! replied the puzzled customer. I''m sorry sir said the clerk but you''re going to have to prove to me that you have a dog before I can sell you dog food. Back home went the frustrated customer to get his dog and pulled it on it''s leash all the way back to the store. Here''s my dog! wheezed the tired customer. Thank you sir, here is your two cans of dog food. Two days later the guy returns to the same store and goes up to the same clerk and says: Two cans of cat food please. Do you have a cat sir? Of course I do! said the exasperated customer. I''m sorry sir but I have to see your cat before I can sell you cat food. The guy storms out of the store, goes home, grabs his cat, drags it back to the store and holds up the cat by it''s tail for the clerk to see. Thank you sir here is your two cans of cat food. The very next day. The guy returns to the store, approaches the clerk and places on the counter a white shoe box with a small hole on the cover. Yes sir, asked the clerk, what can I do for you? Put your finger in the hole ordered the customer. I beg your pardon? said the clerk Do as I say! ordered the guy. Cautiously the clerk slid his finger all the way in the hole. Pull it out and tell me what it looks like! said the guy. It looks like crap! said the disgusted clerk; to which the customer replied: THAT''S RIGHT !!, Now give me two rolls of toilet paper! 一个人来到一家杂货铺向柜台后面的店员买两听狗食。 “您有狗吗？”店员问。 “是的，我有！”迷惑的顾客回答。 “对不起，先生，您必须要向我证明您有一条狗，然后我才能把狗食卖给您。” 这个受挫的顾客回到家里把狗套到皮带上一路牵着回到杂货铺。“这是我的狗！”疲惫的顾客气喘吁吁地说。 “谢谢您，这是您的两听狗食。” 两天后这个人又回到同一家商店，走近同一个店员说，“来两听猫食。” “您有猫吗？” “当然有！”愤怒的顾客说。 “对不起先生，但是我必须看到您的猫，才能卖给您猫食。” 这个人狂怒着走出商店，回到家，抓住猫，拽着它回到了商店，拎着猫的尾巴让店员看。 “谢谢你，这里是你的两听猫食。” 就在第二天，这个人又回到了商店，走近那个店员，把一个白鞋盒子放到了柜台上，盒子盖上有一个小孔。 “您要什么？”店员问。 “把你的手指放进孔里，”顾客要求。 “什么？”，店员问。 “照我说的做，”这个人命令道。店员小心地把手指滑进孔里。 “拿出来，告诉我它象什么！” “象是屎！”店员恶心地说道。 顾客回答：“这就对了！！现在给我两卷 卫生纸 ！”查看更多2个回答 . 2人已关注
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